The Postmodern Archaeology Report No.102765

Errors & Omissions
Misprint in issue no. 102764 reads:

"The Tub & Can party announced 'it is the right of Toucans to respect their governments promotion of families in the orgy structures'."

should read:

"The Democratic Party announced "It is the desire of the Republicans to expect orgies in government and not to tell their families."

the Editor regrets the inconveniance.

Famous Members of SPAM
File No. 84

Dan Quayle -- Was Vice-President of the Society until his unsucessful attempt to change the organization to include electricians (SPAME).

Study Guide for Postmodern History (20th C.)
Part One: Basic Vocabulary

Acid Rain: Precipitation while on LSD.
Arab League: The third of the original league's in baseball, only the American and National Leagues remain.
Arms Race: A mix between arm wrestling and stock car racing popular in most 3rd World countries and oddly enough the Vatican City.
Aswan Dam: The dam on the Peacock River forming the Flamingo Lake.
Ayatollah: What other politicians will tell you everytime something goes predictably wrong.
Bay of Pigs: A horrendous accident which became a public relations nightmare for pork producers everywhere, causing a tremendous pork shortage and the invention of a similary named canned-meat substitute.
Belgian Congo: (Now known as Bongo) A brand of jeans.
Berlin Airlift: The first and only architectural evacuation -- the uprooting, transporting, and replanting of entire urban sectors.
Bipolarity: The name used to describe the condition of bisexual Polar Bears.
Camp David Accords: A limited-edition model produced by Honda for ex-Presidents and other government officials.
Central Intelligence Agency: Where all of the brains of government are stored away in confidential, sealed tubes.
Ceylon: The opposite of Ceyloff (archaic sailing terminology).
Cold War: The first air-conditioned full-scale armed conflict.
Common Market: Any grocery store which carries your usual assortment of mass-market food items.
Containment Policy: The unofficial Constitution of toxic-waste disposal companies.
Cuban Missile Crisis: Somehow they ran out. Panic. Russians tried to replace them. The US said "NO!" Almost WW3 all because some bloke didn't notice the missiles disappearing.
Domino Theory: (1) That your pizza should get to you in 30 minutes. (2) The belief that if one country gives up playing cards for dominos, then others will.
Fidel Castro: A prominent San Francisco nightclub.
Great Leap Forward: Taken right after the Great Hop Back in the Hokey Pokey of history.
Iron Curtain: A rusty shower addition.
Marshall Plan: A bright idea to have soldiers & celebrities ride in convertibles in parades, started with the end of WWII.
Marxism: The style of comedy left by the Marx brothers.
Medical Revolution: The influx of new hospital shows on every network.
OPEC: Other People's Evolutionary Canal (Political Correct version of OPP)
Population Explosion: The point of male sexual climax.
Post-Industrial Society: Those who eat their Raisin Bran.
Runaway Urbanization: The tendency for runaways to end up in a city.
Star Wars: Ronald Reagan's attempt to emulate his favorite movies.
Suez Crisis: An era of rampant litagation (still in progress).
U-2 Spy Plane Incident: Some youth spotted a plane charted by the Irish band U2 running drugs from South America and reported it to the National Enquirer.
World Bank: The bank which loans worlds to intergalatic corporations and cartels.

Excerpts from the Postmodern Archaeologist's Handbook

Etiquette at Dig Sites:

1. Always wear a coat & tie when meeting the head archaeologist at any dig. If you are the head archaeologist, always wear underwear and a bolo tie.

2. If you are invited to pick up a hammer and join in the dig, do not proceed to practice the lessons from The Karate Kid.

3. When a wishbone is found DO NOT think it is good luck to break it. No matter which half you get, you'll have lost. But it is okay to wear skulls on your head like masks.

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