The Postmodern Archaeology Report No.102764

Errors & Omissions
Misprint in issue no. 102763 reads:

"The Republican parties announced right and left in the halls of government were promoted as a family affair."

should read:

"The Tub & Can party announced 'it is the right of Toucans to respect their governments promotion of families in the orgy structures'."

the Editor regrets the inconveniance.

Famous Members of SPAM
File No. 83

Henry Ford -- Tried to create a model of car honoring the Society which gave him so much, but an ad campaign for the car: "a Ford SPAM" increased the sales of a certain canned-meat product and not the car.

Contemporary Criticism & Satire of SPAM
Volume 123

Top Ten List
as seen on Late Night With David Letterman

Reasons to Join SPAM:

10. A free can with membership dues.
9. Joint parties with TANG (Texas Armed-Neighbors Gang)
8. Heightened lobbying powers in Washington:
"Mr. President, SPAM is on the phone."

"Didn't I tell Nancy to get me ham, not SPAM."
7. A spiced membership card
6. Chance to laugh at other organizations with acronyms: NRA, NAACP, ACLU, AFL-CIO
5. Plans for low-salt SPAM.
4. No waiting in line for the special holiday 20-lb SPAM tins.
3. SPAM (doesn't it just speak for itself?)
2. Just do it! (woops...sorry NIKE)
1. The annual SPAM bbq!

World Wide Pants © 1994 all rights reserved

Excerpts from the Postmodern Archaeologist's Handbook

The Society of Postmodern Archaeologists and Mailcarriers
article I. Dig it up! (RAS)
amendment A. Send it! (RAMS)
amendment B. Overseas! (RAW)
amendment C. Kill the Queen! (SAW)
amendment D. Mail her a bomb! (SAM)
amendment E. Soak in it! (SPA)
amendment F. Can it!* (SPAM)

*question as to whether comment was really on the record.


an archaeologist's daydream

the dig is four-feet deep,
it's been days since i've been to sleep.
not much have i uncovered,
except...what's this?...i've discovered...
a femur of a lemur? no.
a thigh of a fly? no.
i've found the cranium
of a Martian geranium,
one with five arms and legs
who watched "Square Pegs."
three eyes and a pair of noses,
and a mouth that never closes.
two attena from the rear
at a hundred miles could smell a deer.
four-feet down
i've found it's crown.
a foot to the left.
i've found it's cleft.
oh joy, i've found it now.
no more six-hoofed cows,
no short-neck giraffes,
no flying calfs.
just a space-travelling fossil
that thrived on falafel.

Dr. Kubrick Stonewall © 1995
Based on traditional dig songs of the 19th C.

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