Misprint in issue no. 102763 reads:

"The Republican parties announced right and left in the halls of government were promoted as a family affair."

should read:

"The Tub & Can party announced 'it is the right of Toucans to respect their governments promotion of families in the orgy structures'."

the Editor regrets the inconveniance.


File No. 83

Henry Ford -- Tried to create a model of car honoring the Society which gave him so much, but an ad campaign for the car: "a Ford SPAM" increased the sales of a certain canned-meat product and not the car.


Volume 123

Top Ten List
as seen on Late Night With David Letterman

Reasons to Join SPAM:

10. A free can with membership dues.
9. Joint parties with TANG (Texas Armed-Neighbors Gang)
8. Heightened lobbying powers in Washington:

"Mr. President, SPAM is on the phone."

"Didn't I tell Nancy to get me ham, not SPAM."

7. A spiced membership card
6. Chance to laugh at other organizations with acronyms: NRA, NAACP, ACLU, AFL-CIO
5. Plans for low-salt SPAM.
4. No waiting in line for the special holiday 20-lb SPAM tins.
3. SPAM (doesn't it just speak for itself?)
2. Just do it! (woops...sorry NIKE)
1. The annual SPAM bbq!

World Wide Pants © 1994 all rights reserved

seriesBC

The Society of Postmodern Archaeologists and Mailcarriers
Constitution:

article I. Dig it up! (RAS)
amendment A. Send it! (RAMS)
amendment B. Overseas! (RAW)
amendment C. Kill the Queen! (SAW)
amendment D. Mail her a bomb! (SAM)
amendment E. Soak in it! (SPA)
amendment F. Can it!* (SPAM)


*question as to whether comment was really on the record.

seriesCD

an archaeologist's daydream

the dig is four-feet deep,
it's been days since i've been to sleep.
not much have i uncovered,
except...what's this?...i've discovered...
a femur of a lemur? no.
a thigh of a fly? no.
i've found the cranium
of a Martian geranium,
one with five arms and legs
who watched "Square Pegs."
three eyes and a pair of noses,
and a mouth that never closes.
two attena from the rear
at a hundred miles could smell a deer.
four-feet down
i've found it's crown.
a foot to the left.
i've found it's cleft.
oh joy, i've found it now.
no more six-hoofed cows,
no short-neck giraffes,
no flying calfs.
just a space-travelling fossil
that thrived on falafel.


Dr. Kubrick Stonewall © 1995
Based on traditional dig songs of the 19th C.

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all rights reserved © 1996 THE SOCIETY OF POSTMODERN ARCHAEOLOGIST AND MAILCARRIERS