d'ya REALLY love me?

To be honest, I can't tell if it's love or infatuation. I mean, at first it was this overwhelming desire to be with you every moment of the day. I tagged along when you were getting your car washed, I lifted the lid when you took the trash out, I even managed to rig a series of fans to help your darts hit the bullseye each time down at the bar last Friday night.

But, was that really love? Could that have been simple infatuation? Maybe a case of mistaken identity coupled with an undiagnosed case of dyslexia?

I want to believe that all of those late night phone calls I made were truly heartfelt. I don't want to believe I could have made those deep breathing sounds for just anyone.

And it's not cheap to buy bricks these days. I tried to take one out of the wall in my apartment, but the mortar was in there pretty good.

I don't know if I can do this any longer. The time we spend together is taking too much of my precious Jerry Springer time. I missed all the episodes last week when I was following you to your psychiatrist appointments. I heard what you were saying to him about me, and I agree with him, that it's all in your head. Why would you think I would do things to hurt you. Just because I was arrested for things like that in the past doesn't mean I was ever convicted.

So, perhaps we should just end it now. I mean, it's no use your begging me to come back, it's just not going to happen. Who knows what might have been, but it's no use worrying about it anymore. Just move on with your life, buy a set of new underwear and let's just agree to avoid all the same places we used to share, so I don't feel tempted to flip through your mail looking for letters from another guy.

I just can't take the jealous feelings anymore. It's over. Good bye.