i can't do it

You can't do it? How about me?

There's only so much that one rather intelligent, supposedly decent-looking guy can do when faced with imminent catastrophe.

I've been working around the clock for a week now, trying to finish up all of this Y2K preparations. I learned COBOL and FORTRAN using those subliminal audio tapes and I have been hacking away on any Commodore 64 and Vic 20 I could get my hands on.

And I think I have suceeded. It's been a struggle. I have forsaken showers, eating anything that wouldn't preserve me as it nourished me. If it didn't come in a can or a bag, I probably haven't touched it.

So hopefully, bar any last minute efforts by the programmers of the Windows operating system, everything should carry over well into the new millenium.

Perhaps I am a little optimistic, but I have reason to be.

You see, I didn't have adequate time to prepare for the Y2K phenomena. There weren't enough tshirts in the warehouses, too few bumper stickers on the store shelves and not enough hype on TV that would translate into money in my pockets. Thus, I had to do all I could to get us past this moment of hysteria while planning for the next one.

Yes, the next one. While fixing all the Y2K bugs, I added some of my own. All of that code is now going to fall apart, but at a time I will be fully prepared to capitalize on.

I call it the Y2.0.1K bug. It's currently being beta tested by a team of workers around the world. We should be out of beta by midnight EST and then we'll all be fine... for a little while at least.

Don't be surprised if you start seeing mention on the news of this upcoming catastrophe. And while you're at it, be sure to buy some shirts and bumper stickers.