Crazy like a fox!

Ooh! One of my favorite TV shows of all time!

This was the show that always made me wish I had grown up in San Francisco. It was a like a dream of mine, or something. It was addictive. I spent several years learning everything I could about The City and piecing it together into a life-like tapestry of a childhood in the city by the Bay.

And I was lucky that so many TV shows were set in San Francisco. I learned the geography from "The Streets of San Francisco," the local lingo from "Full House," and I even learned how to write from the TV show "Suddenly Susan." As I always tell people: You can learn ANYTHING from TV.

I must admit, not everything can be learned from books, television shows, movies, the back of Rice-Roni boxes, and from riding on fake Cable Cars on wheels. But you do learn enough to pass yourself off as a native to just about anyone who didn't actually grow up there. True natives do spot you after a while. But if you never grew up in San Francisco, you probably never spent much time around a native anyways. So I thought I'd be safe.

Well, that's when my life went tragically wrong. See, I woke up one day to find out that the woman from Cleveland who I thought I married turned out to actually be a woman from San Francisco who was pretending not to be. How did I find this out one morning, you ask? Well, she was in the bathroom, thinking I was asleep and was singing a traditional morning-in-San-Francisco-wake-up song. Yes! I couldn't believe it. My heart froze for a moment. She was from San Francisco and yet she married me, a man who only pretended to be from there!

I was afraid. I sat in bed wondering what I was going to do. Had she seen through my trickery? Did she have some foul San Francisco style revenge up her sleeve? Should I set out on the road, never to return? Was my life in danger?

Before I could adequately decide my fate, she came out of the bathroom and I prentended to have just awokened. To cover my tracks, the first thing I could think to do was to start singing myself, another one of those traditional wake up songs.

She froze in her footsteps. I nearly pee-ed in my pants. Had I played my trump card and lost? Did she know all about me? Did she think her own game was up? Our eyes for a moment froze, staring deep into the eyes of the other, yet there was no recognition. Who was this other person?

Then in an instant, we somehow both decided our fate, and with that she continued her way back to bed, shrugging off any coincidence, continuining the charade of being from Cleveland married to a man gleefully singing one of those traditional morning-in-San-Francisco-wake-up songs.