contains at least 50

My middle name is hard to pronounce. It contains at least 50 letters. No one knows the exact amount because my middle name is generated by an algorithm. Yes, giving in to the pressures of a high tech world, where our privacy is at stake, I have taken on an encrypted middle name.

For a long time, I was forbidden to leave the country, as my middle name was considered a munition by the US government and thus considered a part of state security. In order to leave the country, I was given the choice to un-encrypt my middle name or at least hand over the encryption keys to the NSA.

I wasn't about to expose my middle name to the world like that. Who knows what would become of me if my middle name was out there in the open for anyone to see.

So out of sheer protest, I have remained within the boundaries of the US & Canada. Until now. Clinton has made it legal for me to exit the country. I can rest assured that no one will seize me as a secret of national security.

Kind of makes me feel a little less special, in a way. Now I can't be sure anyone will follow my every footstep. No one will seize me as I step onto the plane and rush me away in a black, unmarked government car.

Meanwhile, it's really difficult to fill out paperwork. When they ask for my middle name, I ask if they have my public key. Otherwise they won't have any way to to tell if it's really me.

Life is rough sometimes, being a pioneer in the digital age. I doubt people are really all that aware how traumatic it is to find new batteries for my Linux-powered sneakers and my IDSN underwear.