You are getting boring!

Now that I finished that racy piece (I apologize for those outside of the Republic of Congo who couldn't get the full text of that piece due to internet decency laws in effect around the world) I am presented with a criticism that my pieces are becoming boring. What does one need to do in order to pique your interests? Does this need to become like television, with even more sex and a whole lot of violence?

I can't imagine how well violence would play with these pieces. I imagine that people could use the four words to write in the names of people they wanted to see offed during the course of my writing. But I don't suppose that would even be all that excited. There's only so many ways you could kill a person using proper grammar before it would get a little overdone and once again, boring.

Perhaps, if I were a little more eloquent, I could write these pieces in such a way that even English professors would say they were sheer genius and they'd start the whole process of being canonized in the alcoves of modern literature elsewhere, culminating in my being given the Nobel Prize in literature (actually having it forced physically into my hands by that big bully of a Peace prize winner) and then before you know it, they'd be mimeographing these pieces to hand out to you in your college lit. classes and you'd have to memorize them and take tests on them, and wouldn't you know it, they'd be quite boring again.

So, about the only other option I can think of, is to spend 4-5 pieces talking about obscure theorems and proofs of quantum physics. That way, you'll be utterly horrified by how boring those pieces were, so that when it came time for me to talk about licking chicks again, you'd be utterly enwraptured.

And that is exactly my scheme. I plan to bore you to death before I raise you to the pinnacles of the sublime.

Now if you would kind turn to page 354 where we will read about the hyperextensive coefficient of fluctuating friction.