is it really true?

I gotta say it is Paul (or Lou or Stou, whatever it is your name is). I gotta say that every single thing I write here is true. I mean, think about it. If I were making all of this up, don't you think people would have recognized that? But no, everyone believes without a doubt that it's all the God's truth. People are even willing to stake their reputations on it. I had one guy even say he'd stick a needle in his eye, he was so adamant about the truth and validity of these pieces.

So, in a sense, I can understand your skepticism, I mean, with UFOs, government conspiracies and the disappearance of the Burger King King, it's really hard to distinguish fact from fiction in this 21st Century.

Just the other day, I was stopped by a man on the street who said he was desperate and offered to give me a dollar for three quarters. He said something about needing to make a phone call. But I wasn't going to be fooled. I knew that three quarters didn't equal a dollar. Anyone who's finished high school math could tell you that.

So you have to watch what you believe, but you can't let paranoia run your life. I mean, it can choose what you wear or what you have for dinner, but you have to take control of some things, like what movies you go see. You can't let paranoia choose that, or else you'll end up watching movies like "The Waltons Meet the Klumps" and "Mission to Mars 2."

What I've come to realize is the best medicine in this situation is Metamucil. Now I know that Metamucil is not a medicine. You don't need a prescription to buy it. But you know, sometimes it's the simple things in life which really cure everything. No, I am not saying Metamucil cures constipation, but I am saying that it does prevent cancer, cures Herpes and generally keeps you strong, muscular and having a good tan.

Is it really true? Ultimately Greg (or Sven or Barry, whatever it is your name is), it comes down to what do you believe deep down inside. If you believe in the tooth fairy, then good, you're off to a good start. If you believe in Santa Claus, then you know things are going to be all right. But if you believe that they put a man on the moon, then you better go watch the movie by the same name buddy, because it's all a lie man.