please stop the fear

How about I stop the No Fear? That's a style/trend/brand that needs to go the way of the Dodo. I mean, who had fear to begin with? I mean I am not a scaredy cat, are you?

Now, I have been all around the world doing death defying acts of selflessness. I have taken "Do A Good Deed Daily" to new heights. Not only have I walked old ladies across the street, but I have taken them shopping at Tiffany's too. I mean, if it weren't for me, there would probably be half a dozen million or so other people below the poverty line. We have myself a few dot.com fortunes to thank for that.

Yes, I am a dot.com millionarie (many times over). I struck it big with my first business when the baseball trading card venture I started in junior high got bought up by a venture capitalist who was looking for the next hot thing. I can't disclose the sum, but let's just say it kept me in bubblegum for a long time.

After that, I hopped from incubator to incubator, spreading my ideas like they were seeds and then sat back and counted my equity as I watched them blossom into beautiful IPOs and strategic acquisitions.

My ideas were unstoppable. My improvement of the mouse trap garnered more cheese from industry pundits then anyone could have imagined.

Perhaps my greatest achievement was when I came up with the idea to give away cars for free. All the person had to do in return was agree to listen to the radio turned to a special station we controlled. We could target whatever music or advertisements that we wanted. There was no way to turn it down or off.

It was brilliant. We gave away at least 100,000 cars the first year alone. And let's just say I didn't earn pennies on the dollar with those cars either.

So where were we. Oh yeah, stop the fear. Well, let's just say that you don't fear anything when your pockets are loaded with cash. Except for maybe muggers. Or ex-wives. Or the IRS. But I paid all of them off, so they won't be bothering me. I even have enough money left over to buy the Presidency. Anyone want to be my running mate?